Pre-College Jitters

So, why is it that every time I feel the need to write is when it's pretty late and I can't sleep? Scratch that.

I'ts 3:00 am and five hours from now I will be on my way to my college dorm in VCU. It'll be my freshman year, and perhaps maybe the first real separation I will get from home. When big things like this come, I usually won't feel the pressure or the loneliness until the night before; oh and yes, I get grumpy the day before too. With all the travelling I did in my life-time, going back and forth from my dad's place to my mom's, to my mom's place to my brother's, so on and so forth, shouldn't I be used to this by now? But i'm not.

The idea of me going into college and leaving home for the first time seems very exciting, but I never thought I would be as nervous as this. If only I didn't have a dog, things would be much easier... I guess. It irritates me whenever my mom starts talking of me going back home, when at the first place I haven't even left yet. I know she is just being a mother, concern for her only daughter and I respect that; but for the first time in my life, I want to be independent, and moving out is the safest way to do it.

I'd like to think of college as the barrier that separates what you were to what you will be in the near future. It's a pretty tough path in a man's life, one that will make or break a person. I don't know what my outcome will be, what classes i'll fall in love with, professors i'll despise, or friendships i'll earn; but, whatever they may be, i'd hope to start with, "So far, so good."

Those Little Things

You could have anything you want in this world, still, by the end of the day it's always those little things that makes you truly happy.

We crave for material things just because we want them, we got to have them, even though we don't really need them. We may feel satisfied at first, but sooner or later we will crave for something else; we will crave for more. A human's lust for craving something or even someone may perhaps be his weakness.

Family outing at La Traviesa Resort, Laguna.
(February 3-14, 2010)

What makes you happy?
Sometimes, we get preoccupied with the big things in our lives that we forget those little things that made us smile. Like, when I fell off the stairs and into the mud while running away from my friends, because they were teasing me about my crush, or, that moment at my first year of high school when I finally let this guy hold my hand, or, vividly remembering watching my mom and my dad doing their afternoon ballroom routine through the open doors of our house as I sat by the terrace under the setting sun. As the cliche goes, nobody is perfect, but I must say, we get to make our perfect memories still.

Compared to the life I used to have back in the Philippines, I can say I am living a blissful life. However, a spacious home, high tech gadgets and fridge full of tempting food hasn't kept me from being lonely. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to where I am and of what I have, but sometimes your heart stays where it wants to stay.

A few weeks ago, I got an overwhelming joy by doing something that I don't usually do - talk to my friends back home. I got bored and decided to message everyone I knew on Facebook; from my gaming comrades to my childhood buddies. I'm glad I did. I don't usually talk to my old friends not because I don't find them interesting anymore, but because I don't really see how getting attached to them will benefit me since we are oceans apart. But it felt good, it really did. Catching up with the people who I used to share my boxed juice with at middle school and the people who used to keep me awake till the sun rises at dawn, reminded me that though I am alone to where I am living now, oceans apart - I was never alone after all.

A 3-year old me with my dad at a
school recognition day.

Tonight, I talked to my dad, who I haven't spoken to since last summer. We had a chat and did a lot of catching up; though the conversation didn't lasted that long, it was something that filled the absence. As a child, I used to be scared of him. Who wouldn't be? He was a typical dad to his only daughter, over-protective, strict, and barely talked. I guess it's because I am at the stage of my life now where I am taking the path as a young adult that I felt no fear of him anymore, but respect. I was happy.

For me, fine dining and extravagant parties wouldn't compare to the home-cooked,  messy, crowded little table I once shared with the people closest to me. The spacious and cozy house, wouldn't make a stand to the crammed and steamed apartment house I also once called home.

We don't have to go extra mile or pay extra bucks to find happiness. Sometimes we just have to remember what makes us feel fulfilled. How about you, what makes you happy?

"The Happiest Place on Earth"

I was a 90s child who's heart was filled with magic brought by Disney's classic fairy tales. Up to this day, 16 or so years later, The Little Mermaid's tale has never ceased to amaze me; and that of Beauty and the Beast's portrayals of love has never failed to bring tears into my eyes.

Well, just a week ago, on the 24th of July, my mom and I took a one week trip-slash-vacation to California. Though I had fun strolling along the Hollywood Boulevard and was astonished by the Transformers 3D ride from Universal Studios, the highlight of my vacation was our trip to Disneyland. Like a kiddo, I ran and literally stalked the Disney characters wherever they went so I could take a picture with them. Have you ever had that feeling, that something inside of you wants to explode? Wants to scream? That's how i felt walking the streets of Disneyland that day, with happiness of course. I envied the little girls who wore Disney princesses' outfits; how I wished I was able to do the same. But since shops inside the park only sell costumes for young boys and girls, I ended up buying a Minnie Mouse ear-headband with matching plush shoes and gloves instead - now all i need is the dress!

At the end of the day and after almost 12 hours of walking, my feet couldn't stand another mile anymore. I guess it was worth it though; before leaving the theme park, my mom and I were able to watch Disney's parade featuring almost all of their famous characters. While she was taking a video through her phone, i was taking pictures using her camera, since mine ran out of batteries halfway through the day. When the Disney princesses showed up, riding their fancy floats, I was having a hard time composing myself as I tried the best I can to hold back the tears in my eyes

.

It might be just a parade for some, but for me it was my whole childhood compressed in one Disney day.

Fun Fact: I lost my mom's camera right after we took the Disney parade pictures! Fortunately, some good hearted people (bless their souls) turned it in and Disney's Lost and Found office was able to contact me the day after. They offered to ship the camera back home to Virginia, free of charge.